News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize