I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, beer. Big fan.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
