can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we made out on top of his cat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
