ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
