I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
