Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
