Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
