If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
