omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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