I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
operation harelip BJ is a go
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
