conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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