It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize