Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
