Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
