I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize