Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will pee on everything he values.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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