I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
