I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ugly people sure do ruin things
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
