We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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