This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
