Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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