just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
