I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
