Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
