please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
