Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
