I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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