I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
