He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
