just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
