how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
