I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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