Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
