you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
