I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
