She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
