no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
