You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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