he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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