Nicole vs. Life
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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