ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
