Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
