cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
