You work out of a Hotel?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
