I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
