Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize