I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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