it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
