help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
