After last night, I could never be a politician.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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