Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish I could punch you in the face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
