you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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