great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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