I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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