isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
