need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
