I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
