In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
