Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
