Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
