I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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