Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
