Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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