just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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