I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
