I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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