he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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