I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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