I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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