Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
