fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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