So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
