So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome