Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.