am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.