just tell him i said nine months
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back