I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?