i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
