Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (205) Good night (40542) Bad night (3414)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker

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  (509): I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker http://tfl.nu/fgze
  Replies (39) Good night (564) Bad night (2819)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.

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  (336): I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked. http://tfl.nu/6qrx
  Replies (14) Good night (595) Bad night (4074)
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  (916): View more from California

  I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule

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  (916): I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule http://tfl.nu/z9ak
  Replies (8) Good night (3955) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

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  (434): Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other. http://tfl.nu/93c9
  Replies (7) Good night (3412) Bad night (1088)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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  (952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw
  Replies (13) Good night (1291) Bad night (3976)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.

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  (330): I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter. http://tfl.nu/h1kf
  Replies (6) Good night (918) Bad night (2421)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.

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  (803): He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing. http://tfl.nu/hr4b
  Replies (17) Good night (4320) Bad night (2002)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"

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  (413): I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight" http://tfl.nu/ny0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1429) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?

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  (217): I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty? http://tfl.nu/8wnt
  Replies (5) Good night (1316) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (+86): View more from China

  Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.

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  (+86): Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs. http://tfl.nu/vpgv
  Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby

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  (709): Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby http://tfl.nu/4vtj
  Replies (1) Good night (1081) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.

  (858): View more from California

  I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.

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  (224): I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman. (858): I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect. http://tfl.nu/7efm
  Replies (3) Good night (742) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

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  (406): WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA http://tfl.nu/iwiz
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.

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  (515): Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted. http://tfl.nu/i4ke
  Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (170)

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