She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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