Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you want 1 or 2 eggos?

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  (617): i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions (617): you want 1 or 2 eggos? http://tfl.nu/kwdg
  Replies (2) Good night (1964) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.

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  (252): I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real. http://tfl.nu/u784
  Replies (20) Good night (658) Bad night (3110)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

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  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
  Replies (47) Good night (18742) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i think i have two assholes

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  (330): i think i have two assholes http://tfl.nu/b4sn
  Replies (67) Good night (745) Bad night (4530)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.

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  (612): Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad. http://tfl.nu/1l88
  Replies (14) Good night (794) Bad night (3098)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  stop calling my apartment porn island.

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  (678): stop calling my apartment porn island. http://tfl.nu/7ji0
  Replies (15) Good night (4876) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.

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  (204): Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever. http://tfl.nu/wklp
  Replies (28) Good night (5557) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?

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  (250): When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to? http://tfl.nu/e636
  Replies (23) Good night (5344) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.

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  (248): How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve. http://tfl.nu/a52b
  Replies (2) Good night (2224) Bad night (1455)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

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  (410): YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me. http://tfl.nu/lzgg
  Replies (4) Good night (1948) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Same.

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  (203): His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews (1-203): Same. http://tfl.nu/citv
  Replies (10) Good night (2103) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often

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  (605): We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often http://tfl.nu/nvi7
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers

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  (423): What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers http://tfl.nu/qabo
  Replies (5) Good night (172) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?

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  (+44): Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry? http://tfl.nu/1i64
  Replies (0) Good night (516) Bad night (131)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  and SLEEP god I love sleep

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  (440): I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal. (440): and SLEEP god I love sleep http://tfl.nu/p4ha
  Replies (0) Good night (980) Bad night (205)

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