who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
