i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16