Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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