A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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