I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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