I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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