And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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