how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
