It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
