So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
