if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
